Does an A now mean average like a C used to?
I wonder what is the cause of this? What is the reason for the emotional fragility?
Cue the pomp and circumstance. Begin the slide show. Start the waterworks. You made it through graduation! Are you feeling overwhelmed yet? How many comments have you received on how you’ve grown and how every moment has led to this one point where everything changes? Are you sick of the never-ending clichés and graduation presents reiterating advice on balancing freedom and responsibility?
I remember thinking if I heard the words “exciting new adventure” one more time, I’d storm off, determined to have as bland and boring a transition as I could muster. Maybe you feel suffocated by the same mantras and well-wishes. But know this: all of the advice-giving, gift showering show of support is because we old people want you to launch in adulthood well. What we already know, and try desperately to communicate, is this transition is of the utmost importance. For 18-year-old ears it sounds like the teacher on the old Peanut cartoons. The truth is adults make such a big deal of going to college because it is the first major transition of your life, and it’s incredibly significant.
College is the time you will start to build your lifelong habits. You start making friends more intentionally, and your choices are truly your own. The series of changes that define your adulthood begin when you step out the door of your parents’ house. The advice is to help you avoid the pitfalls of bad habits and dangerous choices, but also to take risks that pay off. It’s a whole new kind of decision-making and discipline. It takes practice, and college is the perfect training ground. Your parents, mentors, and teachers have all tried their best to give you the tools you need because once you are in college, those direct supports are gone. Sure, there are career centers, counseling, advising and tutoring available, but no one is going to make you go. If this sounds like freedom, you’re right—it is! But freedom also includes learning to take initiative, responsibility, and learning out when it’s time to ask for help.
There are a few guarantees with going to college:
- It will be hard.
- You will fail.
- It will be terrifyingly awesome.
There are a few guarantees with all your future transitions too:
- They will be hard.
- You will fail.
- They will be terrifyingly awesome.
My Hardest Transition
My hardest transition was not college. After graduating from college I moved to a foreign country for work. For a variety reasons I became lonely, frightened and felt disillusioned by what I had imagined for the experience. But I pulled through thanks to the lessons I learned in college. I learned to be bold and make new friends even though I was scared, and years later those habits helped me reach out and make new friends again when I needed them most. College taught me to ask for help, so I got a tutor to help me learn the language. As I worked through that season, I learned new lessons about when it’s okay to move on, when to stand up for yourself, and when to dream something new. This stacking of life lessons and experiences needs a solid foundation, and for many of us, that foundation is built in college.
Change never stops invading your life and taking you by surprise. You will change jobs. You may get married, and if you don’t, some of your friends will. You may decide to change career fields, go back to school, or move to a new city. The lives of graduates today are not like those of previous generations—they fluctuate far more, and learning to adapt is one of the most important skills you learn. Some changes are scarier and more painful than others, but when you face what seems like an insurmountable challenge you can rely on the times you had to change and grow before. You’ll know you’ve done it before and you can do it again, even as those changes become more complex and frightening. There will be times you will look back at the end and think, “Wow, that was terrifying and awesome, and I’m glad I did it.” I know I do.
One of the best parts of changing is realizing you can do it. You will face decisions throughout your life and there are times when “better safe than sorry” is absolutely the best choice (Please, wear a seatbelt, don’t text and drive, and make wise financial decisions!) There will also be times you should take that calculated risk. From asking someone out to moving to a new city to choosing to take the high road and not bend to peer pressure, scary choices come in all forms. College is the time to start creating and practicing new habits so you become the bravest, most adaptable, wisest grown-up version of you that you can be.